For the first time this year, I'm both a teacher-librarian and a parent of a school-aged child. I think it's really hard to truly understand other people unless you've walked in their shoes for a while. I used to think that parents were unreasonable when it comes to their children in school situations. Since I've had a child of my own, however, I have to say I can now see both sides of the story. Today I'm writing the letter I wish I could send as a parent. As there are always two sides to every story, I'll follow this up with the letter I wish I could send as a teacher next week.
Dear Teacher:
First, I'd like to thank you for what you do. It's not said often enough, but I truly appreciate your investment in my child's education. Thank you for the extra things you do, like staying at school after working 8 hours for training, meetings, and working various school events (often on your own time). I know these things are done in the interest of improving my child's educational experience. Thanks for hanging in there year after year despite all the extra demands that have been placed on your shoulders at a district, state, and national level. I recognize your job is much harder and more stressful than most people give you credit for.
With that in mind, I've had some concerns throughout the school year that I would like to address. I would really appreciate it if you'd treat my child the way you would want your child to be treated. Sometimes I feel like my child is in prison school when I see you practically yelling at him for squirming around in line, not standing like a perfect little soldier. He should be expected to follow rules, but please make sure they are rules he is developmentally able to follow. On that note, I want to say I don't even mind if he gets in trouble occasionally... when he deserves it.
While I'm fully aware of the fact that my child is far from perfect, it would be great if you could say something nice about him once in a while. I know your time is valuable and there's never enough of it, but even a little bit of feedback on the work you send home is better than nothing. Parents never tire of hearing positive things about their children. It helps soften the blow when those negative things inevitably come up.
As a parent yourself, I'm sure you understand that I want my child's school experience to be the best possible. Don't be afraid to ask for my help. I know there are boundaries you need to uphold, but please know I'd be happy to work on things at home for you if it would enhance your instruction or even make your life a little easier. Please don't make excuses for not having special events like class parties just because you don't want to do them. Keep in mind that what might be old hat to you is a brand new experience for my child and me.
Furthermore, I’d really appreciate it if you would try to be understanding on the many days I don’t have it all together. Please don’t look at me like I have three heads when I shamefully admit I couldn't find my child’s backpack or lunchbox while I was rushing out the door to get to work. Try to remember the days when you had a four-year-old and a two-year-old while working full time. I feel bad enough already.
Finally, and most importantly, try to think about the reasons you became a teacher when the days are tough. I know we all have bad days, but the children should never know it. It makes me sad when my child comes home saying he's scared because you talked "meanly" to him. Teaching is not just another job. You are a role model for these little people - sometimes the only one they have.
Thanks for your consideration,
A Parent
Do you have anything you'd like to add to this letter? Think I'm being unreasonable? Share with us in the comments!
First year as a school librarian after being a stay home mom. I am experiencing the "on and on-ness" of it. Its been a challenge for sure. I love your letters, the one to parents and the one to teachers. My son is 6 and has homework every day, weekend, and holiday. Sometimes, rarely, I try to do things like I used to before I was working and take them places so we can do things and live life. Homework does get missed and it is fairly awful when the teacher can come right to my office down the hall to question me about why he didn't have his homework or how he is chatting with friends instead of working or threw a paper airplane in the cafeteria. Because it is mortifying and the mixture of parent/teacher at the same location is a lot "Is that Mrs. W dragging her recalcitrant child out of the mini-van?" 🙂 Sometimes there is an emergency and I end up taking one of my kids or my mother to the MedExpress and it becomes a late night, I hate having to poke my child to keep him awake past bedtime so he won't be reprimanded for not having done his homework.
I started the year wiping noses and faces and tying shoes and fixing hair because I want someone to do that for my child. I have to admit that once you tie one shoe you will have 20 more shoes in your space and your lesson is out the window replaced by cries of "Tie my shoe, I need help, tie mine, I was first, his shoes are always untied etc". I can't remember the names of MST of the over 700 students I have been teaching this year. I try to have unending patience and always be my best self but sometimes I am just tired and overworked like everyone. I am learning and adapting every day and trying to be a good teacher and a good parent (good housekeeper and good wife are kinda out the window this year).
I'm with you, Heather. It is really hard to try to do it all. I'm failing miserable at many things - trying to keep what's really important in perspective.
Just curious Muriel, will you really have 30 kindergartners? Seems like that would be against the law .
I think you are right... unless you are in that person's shoes, you really don't know what their challenges are! Herding 30 Kindergarteners is no small feat... think herding cats... yet often administrators expect them to behave like 5th graders especially in the hallways. It's not that easy to keep even tempered all of the time. I hope Parents will extend grace to me as I enter back into the classroom world next year (from the library) at the Kindergarten level... I'm expecting 30 children to love on and teach standards to that use to be for 1st graders in between gathering data, of course. I am also a parent and supported the teacher's effort understanding that they are human, too. My inquisitive and active child was a handful even when I only had one child to coral. Grace to all!